As my birthday is rapidly approaching, it’s made me reflect on my life. Having little kids really distracted me (in a beautiful way) and now that they are growing up, I’m forced to continue to heal and address things that maybe I swept under the rug; that are still not fully healed in my heart and in my head.
I think I thought I was further along on the journey of self-love than I am. I can see that there are still patterns in my own life I thought I would have broken by now. I am still dealing with weakness. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t want to fall into self-destructive behaviors. I want to lean on Jesus. I have come to realize that my weaknesses are a blessing because it gives me so much compassion for other people and their struggles.
There is nothing pivotally horrific about my life. I have 3 healthy children, I just celebrated 14 years with my loving husband, and I’m doing what I love…. But I am still on a journey of discovery, surrender and accepting that I haven’t fully arrived!
I am finally understanding that it’s ok to be weak in certain areas, because it allows us to be fully dependent on God and not ourselves. We can’t always be strong and try to “keep it together” because that’s what were “supposed to do.” I don’t think that being vulnerable means you’re being weak, it means you’re being honest. And I think that’s the strongest thing you can do. When we peel back our layers and show others our vulnerability, it allows us to connect to people (See this post for more). Putting ourselves out there like that allows us to love people in a way like Jesus loves us.
We are all broken and we are never going to be complete until we are in heaven. Some days we may feel better than others…but we will never be whole. I often think, “Why am I still not restored or healed in certain areas? And mind you, I am thinking of healed in the most human, earthly way. But then I think about other Christians like Joni Earekson Tada and how, on the outside, it may appear that she is not restored (in the physical sense), but she is filled with the love of Jesus and is an incredible light with an incredible ministry.
I think a lot of this self-reflection has come up because I know I’m going to be traveling for my upcoming book release. I will be on tour and have to answer lots of questions and talk about my faith and my life and my journey…and I want to have all of the perfect , cotton-candy answers…but I don’t. I am human. I keep forgetting that. I still carry struggles daily. I still sin daily. I am Beautifully Broken — thank goodness my book title is exactly what/where I am because it states the truth: I am broken, but in God’s perfect way.
God will bring you through the fire. Psalm 66:12
I once heard that “suffering leads to salvation and forgiveness leads to grace.” So as I blow out a few more candles on my delicious, frosting-covered cake, I am humbled by God’s grace. I am thankful for His mercies. For making me new every day…because our journey is never over even when we think it’s over…and that’s the beauty in humility and mercy of Christ….