Mar 08

The Best Secret I Ever Learned

I have this friend I know from my kids’ school. We have kids in the same grade, so we cross paths a lot. She’s amazing, such a servant heart. She’s the first one to offer a ride or a meal to someone in need. She volunteers in the classroom, packs her kids notes in their lunch boxes and gets them all to school on time. Some mornings, I’m just trying to make sure my kids show up with shoes on their feet and some sort of lunch with caloric value. Anyway, this friend is always doing things for other people & putting others first…all with a smile on her face and obviously showered and ready for the day. I admire her and I feel like she’s got it all together…and me? Not so much.


We all know people like this, right? They look so perfect from the outside…which makes us feel like we’re falling short…I have finally come to peace with this after years of being a mom and an actress in Hollywood and feeling like I was supposed to be “perfect.” Here’s the secret: nobody has it all together. N o b o d y.


I know I’ve said it before: comparison kills contentment. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re not seeing the real them. We are only seeing the surface. Obviously we all put our best foot forward as much as we can and you know what? We will never live up to what we see on the outside…If we could see behind the curtain, we would know that no one has it all together. AND more importantly, we lose sight of what really matters: Jesus.


I have another friend that has recently separated from her husband. One of her friends who had just found out commented, “Well, it’s nice to know you’re not perfect.” OUCH. I know that was supposed to be some sort of compliment…but it was more of a sting…BUT the more I thought about it, in reality, there is so much truth behind that. We often get caught up with the idea of what someone’s life is like and how someone has it “all together” and it makes us feel inadequate…in so many ways.


Recently, I ran into my friend from my kids’ school again. She didn’t look good…I could tell something was wrong. She was exhausted…she shared with me that she had been sick with the flu…she broke down as she told me all she was struggling. Tired, worn down, needing a breakthrough in their marriage and just…depleted.  As a mom, often we don’t get to “call in sick.” When you’re that sick and you still have to get out of bed and get all of your littles ready, fed & to school…along with all of your other obligations…it’s miserable. It takes every last ounce of energy out of you to make it happen. I felt so bad for her because I’ve been there..a lot.. We’ve all been there. At the same time, her honesty was so liberating. I realized that even my friend, who I deemed as “supermom,” had to battle kryptonite too. I realized that I didn’t have to be supermom because no one really is or can be.


When we are honest with each other, we become relatable and we give each other permission to be vulnerable and to, well, to not be perfect. Because what’s the point of “keeping up with the Jones’” when there is no such family in real life. No one is perfect.


I recently wrote about the idea to come as you are. To come as you are basically means that you show up no matter what you look like or feel like, no matter what’s going on inside. You don’t let your imperfections stop you.


So here’s my challenge: what if you decided next time you were supposed to go out with friends or next time you were having someone over to just come as you are? No shower? No problem! Throw your hair up in a bun and go anyway. Messy House? Shove that vacuum back in the closet & invite your friends over! Let people see the real you. NO MORE MASKS.. I know that when I connect to someone, it’s because their spirit shines and I love who they are on the inside, it doesn’t matter who they are or what they “look” like. When the masks are off is when we start to really feel connected to people. Love with God’s eyes. Live with compassion, and stop judging yourself and others.


And next time you catch yourself wishing you had it all together, remember my secret: Nobody does.
#perfectlyunfinished  #beautifullybroken #unmasked #keepshining #love #laughatyourflaws

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