Mar 07

The Best Secret I Ever Learned

I have this friend I know from my kids’ school. We have kids in the same grade, so we cross paths a lot. She’s amazing, such a servant heart. She is always doing things for other people, serving at school, serving her friends. She’s one of those people who I look at and think, “She has really got it all together. Look at everything she does!”


We all know people like this, right? They look so perfect, and that makes us feel like we’re falling short. What do they have that I don’t? What’s their secret to having it all together?


After a few years of being a mom and an actress in Hollywood, I’ve discovered the secret, and it’s this: Nobody has it all together. Nobody.


I mean it.


So much of life is just smoke and mirrors. When we compare ourselves to others, we’re not seeing the real them. We’re not seeing what goes on behind the curtain. If we could, we would see that they don’t have it all together either.


A little while back, I ran into that friend from my kids’ school. She was exhausted. She had been sick with the flu and as she was talking to me, she broke down. Anyone would have! When you’re so sick and you still have to take care of your kids and do everything else, it’s miserable. Something really neat happened in that moment for me when she was so honest and transparent. I felt freed. In that moment I realized this friend wasn’t 100% supermom, and that meant I didn’t have to be 100% supermom either. What a relief!


We help each other most when we’re honest and give each other permission to not be perfect. We defeat ourselves and others when we try to be perfect, or appear like we are.


I recently wrote about the idea to come as you are. To come as you are basically means that you show up no matter what you look like or feel like, no matter what’s going on inside. You don’t let your imperfections stop you.


What if you decided next time you were supposed to go out with friends or next time you were having someone over to just come as you are? No time to shower? Go to lunch with your girlfriends anyways. No time to clean? Have people over anyways. Let people see the real you, like my friend did in the pick-up line at school. That’s when you start to really feel connected to people.


And next time you catch yourself wishing you had it all together, remember my secret: Nobody does.

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